Josey Vogels is a syndicated columnist and author, as well as a popular radio and TV host. Her fresh and frank take on matters of the heart has made her Canada's most popular sexpert.
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Is Honesty Always the Best Policy?
2010/02/26
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Sure we all do it, especially starting out. No need to go into all your bad habits on the first date. You want to hold back on at least some of your less-than-valuable attributes to keep things interesting and challenging down the road.
Still, most of us list honesty among the traits we look for in a partner. Many couples go the “no secrets” route, thinking that nothing short of total honesty in a relationship is the only way to go. And they don’t stop until they drive themselves crazy with discovery and dig up every little detail they can. Me, I’m not so sure that honesty is always the best policy. I think some secrets are worth keeping.
Sure, I’d like to know if he’s killed anyone or if his wife knows we’re out on a date, but I don’t think a partner needs to hear about every person you’ve slept with, or every crush you’ve had or have, or about the occasional fantasy you’ve had about sleeping with his or her brother, unless you decide to act on it.
So when is honesty the best policy in a relationship?
If things are serious and you’re headed into happily ever after together, I think you deserve to know:
1. If he cheats on you.
2. His financial details (income, bankruptcies, mob-related debts).
3. His future goals and how he feels about kids, religion and Friends reruns.
In the “okay secrets to keep” file, I’d put:
1. Private fantasies (again, as long as they aren’t acted upon…unless he wants to include you)
2. What he does when he’s in the bathroom.
3. What he really thinks of your widening arse.
4. Casual flirtations and an innocent lunch with a female friend.
I know it’s not always easy to let each other have a life outside the two of you, but it’s crucial to survival of the relationship.
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